Any couple celebrating their golden jubilee deserves to be applauded for their shared life for fifty long years. Contrary to such long lasting marriages, many modern marriages seem to last only for the first few years, let alone half a century.
Recently, the writer attended such a rare function at a church in Colombo. This particular couple always decided to celebrate their wedding anniversary in an unorthodox manner (one year after the date of their marriage). Consequently, their 40th anniversary was celebrated on the 41st occasion, and this year they decided to celebrate the golden jubilee on the 51st year. Extraordinary fact of this spousal bliss was that the wife being Catholic and the husband a steadfast Buddhist, and how they blended harmoniously – whenever the wife became adamant, the husband simply reigned silence, and when the husband flew off the handle, the wife remained silent.Another remarkable feature on this 51st wedding Anniversary celebration was their renewing wedding vows afresh in the presence of a Christian Priest.
General Practice
Almost every marriage begins with a huge celebration by inviting relations and friends from both sides, with full of hopes and dreams for the newly wedded couple. Yet, their road to a happy and long-lasting union is completely dependent upon their understanding and respect towards each other. Current world statistics reveal how holy matrimonies that commenced with full of hope and glory have ended up in divorce. Critics put this down to some individuals treating this most cherished agreement as a toy.
Failures
The reason for marital failure is, said to be, due to less interaction between couples – not spending quality time together for various personal reasons, which gradually gives rise to bitterness and resentment. Such unfortunate occurrences tend to take place on a daily basis,despite many journals and books being published on how to maintain a happy marriage.
Extramarital affairs are usually considered as over-crowding an established marriage. In western societies it has become a trend to have an affair to enhance one’s self-esteem. However, many consider it morally or ethically wrong and sinful, yet in modern societies many husbands and wives fall prey to this carnal ‘serpent’giving rise to family breakdowns.
Mistress
In case of a husband having an affair with another woman, the wife hears the story last. At first, whispering in the form of gossip may take place in society, and later a close friend of the wife may decide to let the cat out of the bag with good intensions of keeping the family intact. Very occasionally, it is when his conscience starts to prick, the husband may speak about it.
The utmost humiliation surrounding a marriage comes about when the husband starts an extra marital relationship with another woman, and the wife begins to smell a rat. At first her ego will be bruised, which later can turn into jealousy and hatred. At this point, naturally, she will have to fight and struggle for supremacy in her inner being.
The third party crowding a marriage could be the wife of the husband’s best friend or a faceless name. The obnoxious presence of her will remain with a whiff of perfume on his shirt or when the husband starts to wear a smile to himself, similar to the cat that got the cream. Sometimes the extravagant gift to the wife, to ease husband’s guilty conscience, may trigger wife’s intuition to prompt that something fishy is going in their marriage, when she has done nothing to deserve it.
On a rational analysis, one may conclude that the need for another woman stems directly from their marital bed, such as frigidity, limited libido or plain boredom. Psychologists say it is a common folly to assume, and thereby misunderstand the issue by referring it to excessive male libido, and the fact that another woman begins to overcrowd their marriage may not necessarily mean that all is not well with the marriage.
Many married men swear and say they love their wife, but they would like to have a mistress to make them feel good. They in fact become discreet to the extent of saying that an extramarital affair is not a relationship but akin to eating out from a hotel, once in a way, yet he likes wife’s cooking the best!
Quite often in Sri Lanka, married women do not take care of their figure after giving birth to children, which tends to put husbands off. In case of professionals, the husband will have sexual relations with his secretary, while the wife is completely ignorant about this fact.
Another reason for an affair is when the wife becomes too possessive and turns into a witch and expects the husband to share everything with her. Unwarranted suspicion by wives can lead to tears and tantrums, hence, pushes the man towards an affair which he never intended.
Pillars for a successful marriage
Although sexual relations are considered the most important pillar in a marriage, commitment and respect towards each other counts a lot. The appearance of the mistress may not be appealing always, although the wife may imagine so. She might be older or less attractive and less educated than the wife, but the mistress, for sure, is riddled with guilt and have full of fear too, about losing her looks and losing her lover, and quite often she is lonely. The wife, on the other hand, has the right to claim the husband’s surname and his children. All in all, solitary nights, secrecy, stress, guilt, and fantasy become impossible for a mistress to maintain forever. And in all probability, her lover will be back with his family because he too reaches a stage where he becomes unable to stand the emotional, physical, and financial strain of leading a double life.
An Asian conventional woman is brought up with the belief or conditioned to obey her husband and bear his children. However, when two contradictory elements come into play, any long-suffering wife will pardon her husband for all his sins.
However, some wives understand their husbands better. This type of woman is more realistic because she is quite aware of her own libido and the fact that her husband really loves her in his own way and satisfies her material needs and comforts etc. She, therefore, has no qualms about her husband seeking sexual relations outside their home – which she believes is only to spare her from his demands in bed.
This type of wife is generally from older generations, who attempts to cope up with the situation by turning a blind eye. She holds her head high up and smiles thinking men are easily aroused than women, and that outsiders cannot stop him from being a good husband and father. She would, therefore, never want a divorce and is full of confidence.
Picture credit: Ceylon Today and Google Photos
